“You’re not good enough.”
“Why would anyone love you?”
“You should just give up.”
“You’ll never be worth it.”
These thoughts and many others (some worse) are things I hear every single day. These words haunt me from the time I wake up from the time I go to bed. The run through my mind like a movie every day. Living with anxiety is horrible. There are days I wake up anxious and just don’t want to get out of bed. The pain from hating who you are is the worst pain in the world. After awhile, you get use to having anxiety daily or being at a constant state of worry. The only thing worse than living with anxiety is when it effects others around you. When you live at a constant state of worry you start to doubt those who mean the most to you.
“They don’t actually love you.”
“You know they’re just going to leave you right?”
“You aren’t worth their love or attention.”
That faith in God that you live your life by starts to dwindle the worse your anxiety gets. It is so hard to find happiness when your stuck in the jail of your mind. You wonder why you have to deal with this everyday of your life. You wonder if life is ever going to get better. You wonder if God is still good.
BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A HOPE
Those lies the devil tells you makes it hard to figure out what is true and what is a lie. It hurts so bad thinking (whether true or not) that everyone you love is going to leave or just stop loving you. It is so hard to be at a constant battle with yourself. That’s where my people come in. When you don’t think God is good anymore, go to the people that will bring you back to the truth. My family reminds me on a daily basis that the things in my head are lies from the devil. My fiancé prays for me daily and reminds me to look to God in times of low. My people are there to cheer me up and to encourage me to take care of myself when I don’t think I’m worth taking care of. My people are awesome. They love me unconditionally when I can’t love myself.
Anxiety sucks but it does not define you.
I say that not only to you but myself too. Even though I have such great people in my life it doesn’t make anxiety any easier. I still live with the pain of the things that run through my head on a daily basis but the people in my life try so hard to remind me just how loved I really am. A few months back I found a song that really spoke to me and seriously summed up what its like to feel hopeless in your pain. The song is by an awesome christian band called MercyMe and the song is called Even If. Basically the entire song is talking about the lack of faith this guy has. He talks about how he puts on this show but really on the inside he is broken. The guy talks about how he knows God can do so many amazing and crazy things but even if he doesn’t get him out of the state he is currently in, God is still good.
“Even if you don’t my hope is you alone.”
Friends, there are days I don’t have a lot of hope. There are days I have little to no faith and I honestly doubt God’s goodness sometimes. However, God hasn’t ever left me. He has given me people to love me daily and remind me that I am God’s daughter. I am the daughter of the one true king. I know that even if I am still suffering through this…
HE IS STILL GOOD. FOREVER AND EVER AMEN!
God hasn’t left me or you–the devil just wants us to believe he has. Friends it isn’t always going to be easy. Some days are seriously going to suck. You’re life will not look like a perfect Instagram post. You’re life will be hard but there is always a hope. God is still good, and you know what’s going to be even better? HEAVEN. Man I can’t wait for that day. Until then, I will love him. I will love my life, my people, and everything that I have been given.
It is well with my soul.
Listen to the song here!!
My (not so) Instagram Worthy Life 
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